Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
