How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The air was thick with penises
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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