he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
