He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
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This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
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One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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