I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Randomize
