I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Watching her eat just hurts me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
