you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
