Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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