the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
