Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
