When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
