my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We're too hungover to prance.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
