I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
