Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
