dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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