Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
