I didn't shave. On purpose
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
