More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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