nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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