Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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