i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
