He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
