Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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