I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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