I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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