You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
