whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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