I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
