I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
