Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
