Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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