i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
