:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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