Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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