I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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