I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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