Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
