He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i think i just lost a toe
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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