I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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