there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
