A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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