I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wish there were birth control emojis
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
