I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
