I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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