I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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