god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
