I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize