when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
