Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
