Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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