i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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