we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
