What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
