please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
