Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
