I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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