I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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