I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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