Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
