Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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