I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
