just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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