I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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