Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
