if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
