My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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