dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
