Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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