she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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