guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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