I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
