I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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