I can text with my tongue
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
