the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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