every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
