i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
