plz talk dirty to me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
