There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
