hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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