You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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