just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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